By Michele Leight.

Spring in New York City is beautiful, with young shoots turning the branches of trees light green in the parks; but Spring 2005 was hard for Esteban. He looked drawn, haggard, and it was not from the wind, cold or hard work - he is a physically fit man in his fifties, with seven energetic grand-children. Born amidst the warmth of Puerto Rico's palms and sunshine, Esteban had no way of knowing about the dark forces that could bulldoze his life into a living nightmare for twelve years, and derail his plans for a better life for one member of his family (the youngest) when he moved to New York City - a city he loves and now considers home.

I knew that Esteban lost a daughter - his youngest - and one day he told me how it happened. Six months later, on Easter Sunday, 2005, Esteban agreed to a filmed interview: "To help others learn from what happened to my daughter, so it does not happen to them or their children," he said. The following transcript of our interview is made public with Esteban's consent.

ET is for Esteban, and ML for myself, the interviewer (italicized).

ML: You paid a very high price as a parent. Can you tell us what happened to your daughter?

ET: I paid a very high price emotionally, and it affected me physically. I'm a guy who likes to work out. This goes back 12 years when she got involved with a drug dealer; the drug dealer was an intravenous drug user. She fell in love with the man and the man got her hooked on drugs intravenously. After that I tried to save her life. I heard on tha grapevine she was using drugs, but I did not believe it at first: 'She's 22 years old, she should know better.'

ML: Why?

ET: She should have known better because of her uncle, he was a veteran, he was in 'Nam' (Vietnam) and he came out of there in 1969, after a year and a half in the jungle and he became an intravenous drug user. So she had an example there. I told her: 'See the life of your uncle,' but that didn't help. I used to control her when she was young, when she was under my roof, but after they become adults they move out. Sometimes I wouldn't see her for a long time, when she got hooked. She'd disappear for one year, a year and a half. The second time she got sick...."

ML: What do you mean she got sick? What kind of sick?

ET: Well, the first time we didn't know what it was; and then when she got sick the econd time the doctor said the big boil on her neck was not getting cured after four months in the hospital ecause she had the HIV virus. That's when I first found out; she had had AIDS for one or two years.

After that she would get better because of the medications, then once she left the hospital she'd go back on drugs and drop the medications. She's disappear for six, seven or eight months, then she'd call me again, leave me a message: 'Pa, I'm in the hospital. Please come and see me.' that's the only time I'd get to see her. She tried to commit suicide a few times. She was all frustrated; she lived a life of hell. Then she'd lie to me, tell me she would stop taking the drugs as soon as she got out of the hospital.

She went back and forth with this. Day by day she deteriorated. I wouldn't see her for six months, and this went on for 12 years. It nearly destroyed me mentally, emotionally. I couldn't bear to see my daughter like that. I'd go and visit her in the hospital; she'd be skinnier; she was chubby, she was beautiful. I said 'My God, that's not my daughter, the one that's laying in there. She had scabs all over her. It was like being on death row but you're innocent.

ML: Do you think she knew the risk she was taking using intravenous drugs? Do you think she had the kind of knowledge in her youth?

ET: I don't think so. At that time people weren't that educated about AIDS or what the AIDS virus did. Everything was in the news, but it wasn't until they realized how many people were infected, that it was dangerous, that it's a life sentence. If you use drugs intravenously and you're not careful, and you think sex is everything. Well it's not. It's your life.

ML: Do you thin think the drugs made her more vulnerable? Did they weaken her?

ET: The drugs weakened her body completely. She would do anything.

ML: To get the drugs?

ET: (Long pause) She would prostitute; she was arrested 35 times for drugs, prostitution; she was raped six times; she was found unconscious in the street; she had many operations; once she got AIDS she lasted only 12 years. It is a terror for parents; they suffer, they are watching you suffer. I don't wish this on anybody. I don't wish this on any parent: to watch your loved one rot away like an apple. And that's what happened to my daughter; she rotted away like an apple. I think about her every day; I cry every day - in the shower - but life goes on. That's what happens when you take drugs, when you're not careful; when you take sex for granted, drugs for granted.

ML: Do you have any other children?

ET: Besides her I have three more. Before she died she would have been 36. Next month, April (2005), will be the one year anniversary of her passing.

ML: What would you say to parents who hesitate to inform their children when they are young about the risks....about what's out there?

ET: I think every time that child goes out, when they are 15, 16, they should look them right in the eye and say:

'Remember, this is happening. Stay away from drugs; you are young, you will end up looking like an old man, an old woman.' That's what drugs do to you; my daughter had the body of an eighty year old woman. It was terrible to see her deteriorating like that. She died of an infection of the heart, which was caused by the lack of immunity.

ML: Most people don't understand that AIDS destroys the immune system. So none of your older children did any of this?

ET: I know what my kids do in front of me, but I don't know what they do behind my back. They might smoke, but drugs, no; I don't think so.

ML: Do you think that eduation younger in schools, in churches, in communities would help? Just opening up the subject to the young especially?

ET: Absolutely. I think it would help. I think it should be their right. If they saw that my priest, my pastor, my rabbi is telling me this is dangerous. They know, so they are saying it for a reason.

ML: A lot of parents fear that it would make their kids more promiscuous to discuss this subject. What would you say to them having gone through what you have gone through as a parent, watching your daughter suffer?

ET: Talk to your child, talk to them. You have to teach them what's out there. You have to teach them when they start walking. You have to teach them the stumbles of life.

ML: There are things out there that can cost you your life. We had a good talk about how you now talk to your grandson's about everything, after what your daughter went through.

ET: (Smiling) Sure.....

ML: You warn them.

ET: Sure, you warn them, because they are seventeen and eighteen. I am always talking to them. I'm always worrying, but as I said. I don't know what they do behind my back. They have to make the decision: "Hey my parents told me this; I have no one to blame but myself."

ML: Would you be embarrassed to talk to them about sex? About the actual ways various diseases can be caught?

(Hesitation)

ET: Well, I wouldn't know if I would be embarrassed. But now that you ask me, (long pause), at that time - when they were growing up - when they were under my roof, they did not have such a thing as sex education and so I didn't teach them anything. It was sort of taboo to talk about anything like that. But it's really not. Had I been educated (pause) but I was ignorant to that. For instance, me talking sex with my daughter? I couldn't look her in the eye and talk about sex because it was taboo. But the young parents today, they have a chance. They know what's going on, so try and save your children. Talk to them.

ML: This is happening across the world.

ET: There are so many people who are ignorant to this problem. A lot of parents find it difficult to talk about this; they talk about taboo. When I was a teenager growing up, I didn't want to think my parents had sex. My parents were not supposed to have sex; I was unaware. If I had the education at that time: they had nothing about AIDS or drugs or sex in school at that time. it was taboo to talk about that.

ML: I have interviewed a lot of young girls in private schools in Manhattan who are now being told from 5th Grade about this because their teahers feel it is so risky not to tell them - girls especially.

ET: It is risky not to tell them. You have to warn them; you have to tell them about the dangers out there. How are they going to know?

ML: I talk to the young a lot and they just don't think anything bad can happen to them.

ET: When we are young we are full of energy; we think we are immortal; we don't think we are going to get sick. We think that anything that is bad happens to someone else. That's what I thought.

ML: And it came right into your home.

ET: Yes, but when I was a kid I did not think anything bad was going to happen to me. I was immortal, oh yeah. That's what I thought.

ML: You have paid a high price.

ET: It's the parents that suffer the most. Once you get sick like that you get tired of living. My daughter tried to commit suicide three times, but she did not succeed. She just said 'I want to die,' because she knew there was no hope for her. She did not want to live like that.

ML: I think it's crucial to get the medications as soon as HIV starts, when they are young because you can lead a decent life with AIDS if you start early with the meds and stick to the regimen. Were her AIDS meds given free? (AIDS medications are expensive so I asked this question.)

ET: This program that was for AIDS victims supplied the medicines I think.

ML: I think it is crucial to get this free when they are young, right when it starts.

ET: Yeah, you can live, you can survive. Look at Magic Johnson. I saw him the other day on TV and he looks good. He is taking the treatment; but my daughter used to go to the hospital and the next day she'd forget about the treatment and go take drugs; and God only knows how many people she passed it on to.....God only knows.

ML: So to pay for her drug habit she would just go and.....

ET: Prostitute; she would prostitute.

ML: How did you know this?

ET: Well, like for a male drug addict he has to go and rob, he has to go and steal, he has to mug people; but when it's a female, 99% they prostitute and shoplift. Once their on drugs the main thing is they prostitute. Then you run the risk of being raped, getting cut up, getting beat up. Not only when you go buy your drugs; you got these drug dealers that will sell you something that is not heroin. Then when you go to get your money back, they get tough, you get tough. They'll beat you up; they'll break your arm; they'll break your head open. They will beat you within inches of your life. Because once your a junkie! Forget it! That's the bottom of the can, the bottom of the scrape.

ML: It's addictive, so you can't just stop - because you're addicted. They might think, "Oh, I'm going to stop, but they can't."

ET: (Sadly) No.

ML: And then they get in the hands of these people.

ET: I went through it myself. These drug programs, most of the time it does not work. Most of the time the city, the government, they do try and save you; they do send agents to go look for you and treat you. But if they can't find you, they can't help you. I know for a fact, the city and all these agencies will be calling me here (home):
'We're trying to get in touch with Maxine; she missed her appointment. We will go to her, where is she? Constantly, two or three times a week they would be calling me. They did care; I have no complaints about them. But you have to help yourself. She didn't help herself. They even came looking for her. I said I don't know where she is. She disappeared.

ML: Did she go to rehab at any point?

ET: Yes, as a matter of fact it cost me $7,000 in a private rehab center. I wanted nothing but the best for her. But she only stayed there three weeks; it was a six month process. She snuck out and I was $7,000 out.

ML: But at least you tried.

ET: O, yes. I tried to save my daughter. When I first heard of it I tried to get her off the streets. I said 'I'll get you an apartment.' I found her an apartment. I furnished it; it was no good.

ML: Is there anything in you that might know why she was different to your other children? Was it just the addiction?

ET: It was the addiction; it was the drugs. I brought them up very close - and they still are very close to me. But it was the drugs; she was no different to the others. Once she got into that everything changed.

ML: Thank you for this; I know it is very hard. But I hope it will help lots of kids.

Esteban: (Smiling) I want to see that.

This was the end of the interview.

Maxine died when she was 36, after a 12 year battle with heroin addiction and AIDS. Her father mourns her loss daily. He is deeply committed to educating kids about health and the dangers of drugs.